I think we all have these notions of wanting to save the world and make a big difference. But over the last few weeks leading up to this trip I have had this intense fear that what we plan on doing will have an adverse affect on the community we are hoping to "help".
I never had this feeling going to New Orleans and I wonder if it is because of the history of Haiti being the "NGO Nation" or what. But what I do know is I am freaking out ever so slightly that this is going to be detrimental to the community.
I also wonder in the times that I have participated on an Alternative Break is the person's whose life is really impacted is the person who goes in with a goal to do something- for instance mine. I am always changed by the experience, but doesn't that in some ways play into being a robber of sorts. Like I took something from the community I assumed needed help and they never got anything from me, except another face that leaves again. IS THAT FAIR?
There are a lot of assumptions that are made in service, and I don't know if we have dispelled ANY of them.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
My grandmothers' country
I will never know or see the country that my grandmothers grew up in as they would see it. I will never understand what it meant for my grandfathers to pick up their families and move them to a new country.
But what I do know is that because of the strength of my grandfathers and the boldness of my grandmothers I am a better person. I have been given so many opportunities and have had a greater calling to return to the country of my heritage and do what I can to make it work.
My family:
Paternal side:
Grandfather Lucien Ceran (deceased)
Grandmother Carmen Ceran
Jacques Ceran
Monique Auguste
Raymonde Ceran
Robert Ceran (Father)
Lucien Ceran Jr.
Marie Sandra Ceran
Lucienne "Lucy" Ceran
Maternal Side:
Grandfather Felix Neptune (deceased)
Grandmother Lilianne Neptune
Frantz Neptune
Gary Neptune (deceased)
Kayhrine Neptune
Regine Neptune (Mother)
Marie Cayo
Carol Neptune
I belong to a rich family, with a history and a richness that I am still piecing together. But there are many things that I don't know. There is much that I can learn from the spirit of my grandmother- Carmen Ceran a woman who has held this family together through the death of her husband, my grandfather. I learn about the type of woman I want to be, the legacy that I want to continue because I learned so much from her and continue to learn a lot from her.
One thing you should know, I am the estranged family member of my maternal side. Long story short, as much as I want to have a connection with them, my journey home is more about me then getting to know them.
I have never been to Haiti, what I know is what I have imagined, what I have read, and what I have seen on tv. But I have never seen it with my own eyes. I am very much excited, scared and proud to be able to go to Haiti after 25 years of wanting. I have always wanted to live a life where I can make a difference in the country and for the country and while I recognize that I don't have to be there in order to make a difference, I know that for myself, if I never even go back again-- This is where I am supposed to be right now.
I can't speak the language, but I know once that plane lands in a few days I will be home and I will be closer to my grandmother than ever before.
But what I do know is that because of the strength of my grandfathers and the boldness of my grandmothers I am a better person. I have been given so many opportunities and have had a greater calling to return to the country of my heritage and do what I can to make it work.
My family:
Paternal side:
Grandfather Lucien Ceran (deceased)
Grandmother Carmen Ceran
Jacques Ceran
Monique Auguste
Raymonde Ceran
Robert Ceran (Father)
Lucien Ceran Jr.
Marie Sandra Ceran
Lucienne "Lucy" Ceran
Maternal Side:
Grandfather Felix Neptune (deceased)
Grandmother Lilianne Neptune
Frantz Neptune
Gary Neptune (deceased)
Kayhrine Neptune
Regine Neptune (Mother)
Marie Cayo
Carol Neptune
I belong to a rich family, with a history and a richness that I am still piecing together. But there are many things that I don't know. There is much that I can learn from the spirit of my grandmother- Carmen Ceran a woman who has held this family together through the death of her husband, my grandfather. I learn about the type of woman I want to be, the legacy that I want to continue because I learned so much from her and continue to learn a lot from her.
One thing you should know, I am the estranged family member of my maternal side. Long story short, as much as I want to have a connection with them, my journey home is more about me then getting to know them.
I have never been to Haiti, what I know is what I have imagined, what I have read, and what I have seen on tv. But I have never seen it with my own eyes. I am very much excited, scared and proud to be able to go to Haiti after 25 years of wanting. I have always wanted to live a life where I can make a difference in the country and for the country and while I recognize that I don't have to be there in order to make a difference, I know that for myself, if I never even go back again-- This is where I am supposed to be right now.
I can't speak the language, but I know once that plane lands in a few days I will be home and I will be closer to my grandmother than ever before.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Lakay Se Lakay
"Lakay se Lakay" is a popular Haitian phrase which means "Home is Home." I think it is a fitting title for my blog, given that I feel like I have been on a journey towards home in the last year.
Really I have been on a journey towards home my entire life. My name is Nakeesha J. Ceran, as many of you know who follow my other blogs. I am full Haitian-American. I was born in Athens, Ohio. But my parents and my aunts, uncles and grandparents were born in Haiti.
As the story goes both families moved here as a result of the Duvalier Regime and never looked back. The last time my father was in Haiti was in his 20s most likely when he played for the national team in the World Cup.
My mom was really young when she and her family moved here and I don't think many of them have been back either.
As a little girl I used to ask my father countless questions of what Haiti was like as a kid etc. I never picked up the language and it has been one of my biggest regrets- if I can ever say that I have one.
But no matter where this life has taken me, I always knew that no matter what I AM and will always be HAITIAN.
So why am I blogging? Well this journey towards home has come full circle. I always knew towards the later half of my life that I would eventually make it to Haiti to serve the country and hopefully elevate it towards a better future. I studied about the culture, kept up with politics and tried to grasp the language as best I could. On January 12, 2010 a 7.0 Earthquake ripped through the country and sent all of its progress into a horrible downfall. But what this tragedy opened up for me was an opportunity to learn more, to serve better and to eventually build that stronger Haiti that I have always dreamed. So on March 5-March 12 myself and 5 other women from American University will be embarking on what I hope will be a journey of a lifetime.
I would like to thank you for taking this walk with me.
Best,
NJC
Really I have been on a journey towards home my entire life. My name is Nakeesha J. Ceran, as many of you know who follow my other blogs. I am full Haitian-American. I was born in Athens, Ohio. But my parents and my aunts, uncles and grandparents were born in Haiti.
As the story goes both families moved here as a result of the Duvalier Regime and never looked back. The last time my father was in Haiti was in his 20s most likely when he played for the national team in the World Cup.
My mom was really young when she and her family moved here and I don't think many of them have been back either.
As a little girl I used to ask my father countless questions of what Haiti was like as a kid etc. I never picked up the language and it has been one of my biggest regrets- if I can ever say that I have one.
But no matter where this life has taken me, I always knew that no matter what I AM and will always be HAITIAN.
So why am I blogging? Well this journey towards home has come full circle. I always knew towards the later half of my life that I would eventually make it to Haiti to serve the country and hopefully elevate it towards a better future. I studied about the culture, kept up with politics and tried to grasp the language as best I could. On January 12, 2010 a 7.0 Earthquake ripped through the country and sent all of its progress into a horrible downfall. But what this tragedy opened up for me was an opportunity to learn more, to serve better and to eventually build that stronger Haiti that I have always dreamed. So on March 5-March 12 myself and 5 other women from American University will be embarking on what I hope will be a journey of a lifetime.
I would like to thank you for taking this walk with me.
Best,
NJC
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