Day #3 here in Fondwa. I opted out of eating last night for fear that I might get sicker. At reflection I mentioned one thing I've sort of been thinking about a lot and it's that I straddle almost two identities and it's very frustrating. I don't feel I get to really own being a Haitian as I do not speak the language and this is my first time being here. And I don't really latch onto the "American" side of me as my identity either. Mainly because I know that there is more to me that I want to belong to than just an "American" and not that being an American does not come with it's own benefits or privileges, but simply that I like the layers of my life, and I am completely content with them.
And while that may be selfish being a Haitian in my own way is all that I know.
Being in Fondwa has become somewhat routine. Bed by 9pm and up by 6am. Today after breakfast we basically did nothing until our meeting with Elysse of Fonkoze. He was great and a stark contrast to the women we spoke with before him. Maybe because his public speaking skills were better, but I am not very sure. I'm not even sure if I minded that the women weren't great speakers. They had a presence about them that could be respected.
Elysse spoke about his time working at a bank and how different it was than his experience working here at Fonkoze. He enjoys his time here, that much you can read off of his face as he speaks of the work he does here. It seems to be filled with a lot of happiness. I enjoy speaking to him. He told us a story about a woman who has worked through Fonkoze, he said she started off very poor, her husband had died and she was raising 3 kinds. She has picked herself up and has been able to send all of her kids to school, and was even able to send one of her kids to college in the states. Speaking with Elysse was a great conversation and much needed.
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Today I spoke with another gentleman who works for Fonkoze, his name is Johnny. He was very nice. He spoke to me about his experiences in Fondwa. Howe he feels Port-au-Prince is not safe and secure, despite it being the capital city. He says that he prefers Jacmel to Port-au-Prince. He works for Fonkoze, isn't in school and lives with his mother. He provides enough for his younger brothers and sisters to go to school, and for him he wouldn't have it any other way. It's not that he doesn't want to strive for anything else, he just is very content with his station in life. That is something to really take in and try and understand. Here in the states we are all about the perspective that more is better and that we should always be trying to strive for much more, one because we deserve it and two that is just the way our society has created it. But in Haiti, you do what you can to make sure that the ones around you are taken care of, and you do your work for the better of them, not really of yourself.
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We walked down to APF today, (another HIKE!) to meet with two women's groups in the area.
These women were beautiful and very happy. From different walks of life. They were extremely passionate and very intentional with their meeting us. The moment was bittersweet, there was an amazing woman.
(Photo Credit: Shoshanna Sumka)
She talked about the need of the community, how the women wanted training for reproductive health. She asked us "what was our intention? What makes us different than the other organizations that come through their community making empty promises?" And the truth is I do not know. I won't know. Not until I get back home and can think about what it is we can do.
So as we sang, danced, smiled and were connected through this International Women's day, I am left with this sinking feeling that we've ALREADY negatively impacted the community we are learning from and supporting. That while we are visiting them, all we are doing is robbing them in a way from being able to continue to progress. How, can I one person transform their daily lives?
As Sister Claudette takes around ad shows us the grounds of APF, my mind keeps returning to the talk Emeira Woods gave us during our first "Haiti Week" at American University. She said "Every Haitian, abroad and in Haiti was affected by the earthquake. It is here in this moment that I realized how real her words are. I lost a cousin and who knows who else. Jeff lost an aunt, this town was disrupted in a big way and ultimately the whole country. But they still move forward, they still grow. We are connected eternally with our loss, but we have life, so we live it the best that we can.
Sister Claudette introduces us to other sisters. Sister Carmel is a big beautiful Black woman, with an iPhone! She is the "head" sister. She thanks us for visiting, excited to see new faces. She wants us to see the little store they have on their grounds, hoping we will purchase some things.
After meeting the sisters we walk down to St. Anthony's School. All that is left is the concrete ground this beautifully designed concrete and tiled floor. Jeff said he went to school here before attending the University. I can only imagine what it feels like to lose everything. To come back to a place that you used to walk into everyday, only to see nothing remains but the floor. In many ways I did, but not to this magnitude. We say goodbye to Sister Claudette, leaving her a card and a gift we have brought.
The guys Mede, Jeff and Edme walk us back up to our guest home. Well really what we have been calling home. The walk up is really tough and I comment on the determination of the community to make the trek on foot often, just to go to school, or to work, or to the main road. (remember this is almost a 45 Minute to an hour walk, just to the main road, not even to where we live). When we reach the top I am so happy to have made the climb, I am glad to no longer be sick, because that would have sucked. Mede has to leave us which is really sad. He says that he'll "always remember us," I hope that I never forget him. I tell him I'll be back in June (I hope I can keep my word).
Jeff and Edme walk us the rest of the way to the bakery. As we wait for dinner, I speak to Jeff. He has 1 brother and a sister between his father and mother. He is the oldest. His father remarried and now has four other children. I was not necessarily moved by the story, but touched that he felt comfortable enough to share it with me. As I write this now I wonder how if here in Haiti, there is also a stigma with divorce or separation like there is in the US. Speaking to a stranger that my parents are divorced, is still hard to this day- maybe because of all the baggage that came after, but still taboo.
I asked Jeff if he's traveled and he told me "no", but he wants to. He has big dreams of traveling. And then he told me something that has completely transformed this trip for me. He said, "That's why I want to be an educated man, because I can travel," he continued, "I feel that the international community has a different perception of Haitians and that is why I want to educate myself." FLOORED- here is a guy, an amazing, smart guy, in this small rural town in the south of Haiti. Between two major cities, who's world view is limited to the visitors who come through his town, and what he hears on his radio and through the television and what he reads in his text books. But even though this view is so small, limiting, something that I think is fragile and pure. He has uncovered the dirty secret that has been splashed on TV since the earthquake and years before- that Haitians are not worthy of help. I pray that Jeff is able to travel, to see the world and to show the world how small their perceptions of the Haitian people really are._________________________________________________________
Before dinner we gave the guys gifts and thank you cards and we said goodbye. During reflection Edme came back with a gift for Maria, whom he had a crush on during our visit. He also wrote a note for all of us. I will be sure to add a little bit of the note, once I can translate it properly-- he wrote it in Spanish. :)
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Reflection: Our theme seemed to be about not breaking promises and sort of making sure we do take every attempt to keep our commitment, especially because we've already crept into their lives. And I don't want to be another "broken promised" organization. We'll see what the next few days spark in terms of post-trip activism.
(Photo Credit: Shoshanna Sumka)
A good night note: we had a mini bonding experience- Tania, Audrey, Oge and Maria. We talked a little bit in regards to why we chose AU and I gave them a little background on what I've learned through my experiences working at AU. So my goal to get to know everyone a little better is happening!
